Ten Things Which Should Remain in My Closet

You know that I cannot simply follow Stasha’s Monday Listicles assignment as written. This time, we were told to list “Ten Things In Your Closet”.

So instead, I will attempt to list for you Ten Things Which Should Remain in My Closet. And by this I mean of the skeleton-esque variety. Now don’t get too excited, because I don’t really have skeletons. I’m pretty vanilla when it comes to things like that. I don’t like to rock the boat and I don’t want anyone to think ill of me, so I typically toe the line.

But the idea of a “tell-all” intrigued me just a bit. Again, please don’t misunderstand: I’m no Lance Armstrong sitting down with Oprah, that’s for sure.

And some of these admissions I have alluded to, or simply stated outright, in past blogs. Forgive me. Not only am I boring, I don’t have much new material either.

That being said, this list became a struggle. I should have simply taken the assignment at face-value. There are plenty of things in my closet…albeit uninteresting things, but easily a list of 10-100 items.

But I did not take the assignment at face value. I clearly have a death-wish or something.

So without further delay, here is my list of Ten Pseudo-Skeletons Which Should Probably Remain in My Closet:

1. I keep a can of chocolate frosting in the back of the fridge for those ill-timed chocolate emergencies, when there is nothing else chocolate for me to eat.
2. I’m not a nurse, nor do I play one on TV….if you are sick, you may not want to come to me for sympathy.  I may play the nurse role, but please know that as soon as you leave the room, I’m scrubbing my hands and spraying Lysol on every surface you touched and/or every surface you MAY have touched.
3. I get a shopper’s high when I get a bargain. I can even get the high if it’s a bargain I find for a friend. That being said, I have some friends who are no longer allowed to shop with me…their husbands are not as impressed by the amount of money they saved with said bargains. They fail to look at the big picture: money saved is ALWAYS more than money spent.
4. I have at least two cups of coffee every morning, or I get a monster headache.
5. I have deluded myself into thinking that if the floors in my house are clean, then the whole house is clean. Don’t judge.
6. I consider laundry to be “done” when it makes it into the laundry basket from the dryer. Getting it folded and into the appropriate person’s hands is simply gravy on an otherwise adequate situation.
7. I have been referred to more than once as a duck…calm, cool and collected on the surface, but paddling furiously under the surface. Now, mind you, people who know me well do not call me a duck…it’s the “surface people”…ones whom I have minimal touch points with and whom I can “fake out” with a certain appearance of calm. But regardless, I am not at all feeling like a duck during this flooring installation. Things are not in the right place and there’s dust everywhere and my mind cannot settle on anything for longer than, say, 30 seconds. Which is why you haven’t seen many posts lately…but I digress. I don’t handle chaos as well as I had hoped. I didn’t really BELIEVE that I would, but I was hopeful.
8. Much as I complain about my dumb dog, I do still kind of love him. You have no idea how much it pains me to say that.
9. I love to watch a good documentary, about virtually any topic, so long as it’s done well and is engaging. Do you know how many times I have been sucked into watching a “30 for 30” from ESPN? I mean, I enjoy watching sports and all, but really? The problem is, they are done well and quite engaging…which is one of my tenets for a good documentary. I do draw the line, however, at watching Rick Steves Europe…I don’t know if those shows constitute as documentaries, but he does have some specials which may cross the line into that category. Mr. Always Random LOVES those shows; they simply put me to sleep. He’s not nearly as discerning as I.
10. I am directionally-challenged. I married well when I chose a geography major as my husband…one of his many marketable attributes, to be sure. Though after almost 15 years of marriage, he still doesn’t understand how I can go to the same place month after month and STILL need directions. “I don’t know, Honey…it’s a gift. I just want you to know how much you are appreciated.” Actually, with the invention of Mapquest.com, I rarely have to ask him for directions. Mapquest and the Garmin in my car. And the little compass which tells me the direction my car is facing. Those usually keep me from getting lost. Oh, and the fact that I don’t really drive outside a 5-10 mile radius…and I grew up in said radius. That helps too.

See, that wasn’t so painful was it? Well, maybe painfully disappointing and/or boring…I told you I was a pretty vanilla. Have a great day…and feel free to share any pseudo-skeletons (or real ones) you may have been dying to get off your chest.