The Dog Ate My Brain

We’ve had our dog for over 4 years now. Wow…is that really right? I still am unsure what possessed me to pursue getting him. It was clearly a momentary lack in good judgment.

I mean, he's so cute (demonic red-eye and all)...how could I resist?

I am allergic to dogs and swore I would never take allergy medicine just so we could have one live with us. And yet I do…I’m on Advair, thank you very much.

I absolutely did not want a male dog with long, light-colored hair. He’s all three of those. It’s kind of like placing an order at a restaurant and the waitress bringing you what you need instead of what you said you wanted.

Just like when I told God that I would have daughters and He gave me two of the best sons I could have asked for; yes, my blog may not always reflect it, but they are amazing and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Usually. And the further I get into this parenting thing I have discerned that I am probably a better “boy mom” than I would have been a “girl mom”…girls can be so girlie! I mean, I like to be girlie, but am not opposed to getting dirty and catching bugs and laughing at bathroom humor. Farts are funny. There. I said it. Who’s going to disagree with me? You may not all admit it, but no one’s really going to argue with me, because I speak truth. It’s crude humor, but still funny.

Anyway…back to the dog. As you may have seen as of late from my FB posts, he’s been a bit of a rapscallion around the house. While we are still trying to determine the cause of this, he continues to show some very presumptuous behavior…as in “I know you usually keep these doors closed because I’m not allowed in the bedrooms so when you forget and leave a door cracked open, I’ll sneak in and show mock surprise when I get scolded. Also, I will growl at you when you try to remove me from the room, because I now own this space. And the office – I’m still trying to figure out the rules. Can I get on the desk or not? Because when you’re in there, I make no attempt. However when you’re NOT in there, I’m pretty sure you’d like for me to sit on the desk.”

Your honor, I submit the following photos as proof of his illicit behavior:

In this photo, he had gotten the dishwasher open (apparently it wasn’t latched) and was in the process of licking residual food from the dishes. This is not the first time this behavior has been demonstrated, but it is the only occurrence caught on film. My husband, the dog-whisperer, was attempting to coax him out.

This is in the 11yo’s room one evening before bed. Someone didn’t get the door closed all the way (and for the record, Indy used to stay in the hallway without issue up until about a month or two ago at which point he came sauntering in as if to say, “I’m just going to walk in here like I belong and see what happens.”) Fortunately for him, he was near the desk and ducked underneath to hide. We could easily see him, but could not easily get him out. So now if we don’t shut the door completely, Indy comes in and makes a bee-line for the desk.

So this one looks pretty innocent, until I explain that he’s lying on the sheets which we have to put on our chairs and sofa each night because he’s not supposed to be on them and has taken to sleeping on them once we go to bed. For a period of time, we just threw them behind a chair during the day. Being as he’s a quick study (not unlike someone else I know…Quick Study) he learned that if he laid down on them in the evening and growled at us, we wouldn’t cover the sofa and chairs. Now during the day we keep the sheets in a cabinet where he can’t access them (yet). But he’s still sleeping on the sofa at night, which is covered with the sheets. We’re pretty well trained, aren’t we?

This is him sleeping on the sofa. Cute, right?

He wasn’t really doing anything in this picture, but we discovered him sitting there one evening when we couldn’t find him. We have seen him chewing on this rug (so disgusting), but again, have no photos to prove such behavior. Just this less-than-incriminating one. But I think if you look close, his eyes scream “Guilty!”

This is not really new behavior we’re seeing, but he has been laying low for a number of years and has just recently brought this act back out on the road. When we first got him, we also saw glimpses of this delightful behavior:

When we’d only had him a few weeks, I walked into the living room to find pieces of my shredded plant strewn about floor.

After he was snipped, he had to wear the “collar of shame”, which he obviously did not like. While we were out one day, he was able to get it off and gave it a little make-over to show us what he thought of it.

One time I went to Jo-Ann’s (which is the best place to shop for craft supplies BTW…in case anyone’s asking) and brought home some new yarn. It’s when I was still in my crochet phase…still couldn’t read a pattern but loved those variations of squares and rectangles which I called scarves and dishcloths. So I wasn’t trained yet and put the bag of yarn on the bench by the door. I went in my room and when I returned, this is what I found. (This is obviously during the "collar of shame" days, but he had not yet modified the collar.)

All this recent behavior really means is that he must be jockeying for a new shock collar. We bought the first one just prior to his first Christmas with us, in order to ensure that he would stay away from the tree. We put the collar on while my husband was assembling the tree and when Indy got near the tree to sniff it, we gave him a tiny little shock. Well, he didn’t care much for that and for the entire time the tree was in the living room, Indy gave it a very wide berth. It was a lovely thing to behold. So we used it to redirect him from other undesirable behavior. And to this day, when you just put the collar on him, he will toe the line without issue. But unfortunately the collar no longer works, so it’s not nearly as effective as it was previously, and won’t work to discourage these fun, new behaviors he’s showing.

I have been wavering on whether or not to invest the money on the new collar, because if this is just a phase he is going through again, it would not be money well spent. Granted, if I bought it, we would have it in the event we ever did need it…either now or in the future. I really don’t like to use it, although I know setting it on the lowest setting, it’s not hurting him but simply startling him and distracting him from that which he should not be doing in the first place.

So after all this self-talk, I had decided not to buy a new one. Until today when he ate my brain. Well, to be fair, it wasn’t the whole thing, just the brain stem. I assume the progression went something like this. He learned this lovely trick a few weeks ago, much to our chagrin.

After we caught him, we had been doing a better job of keeping the office door closed, as well as pushing the chair under the desk so he could not climb up. But apparently today we lost our brains (so to speak) and as a result, literally lost part of it. The PBA has been studying anatomy this year, and as of late we were learning about the brain and the nervous system. I had purchased a small brain model, with all the lovely pieces, for the PBA (those kinesthetic learners) to assemble. The brain model was sitting on the desk and apparently the temptation was too much for Indy to resist. He jumped up and chewed the brain stem into pieces (there is still more  of it missing than the photo illustrates…I’m sure the rest will make an appearance in the next day or two. I’m not educated in the digestive tract for a dog, so I’m not certain how long it will take. Lovely.)

My 11yo happened to walk in the office while the dog was chewing away on the piece. Indy really needs to work on his “tell” because when he knew he was caught, he picked up the pieces (it was multiple pieces at this point) in his mouth and ran over to hide by the drum set…and he HATES the drums. So right away the jig was up. He hung his head, dropped the pieces and skulked away. I picked up remaining brain stem, all drippy with drool, but there’s really no coming back from that.