Necessary Grooming

Yes, I’m sure that some of you were immediately apprehensive of venturing into the blog today, since the title indicates a delving into some things which had not been previously discussed here at Random and Usually Shallow Thoughts. And probably should not be discussed here or anywhere, to be honest. But no worries…it is not exactly as you may have supposed. No discussions of trimming unruly finger or toe nails, no talk of wild hairs growing from places they shouldn’t, no chatter regarding shaving or tweezing or waxing. None of that stuff here. Phew.

I get my hair cut about once every 5-6 weeks (maybe4 or 7 if I have something coming up for which I want to make sure my hair looks “in shape” and not “wow, you just got a haircut, didn’t you?” I have to gauge it just right…holidays, vacations, all that stuff I try to work around.

And being as I am a frugal sort of gal, I go to Great Clips. Yes, yes…oohhh and aaahhhh. Let the stories about bad haircuts at cheap-o hair salons commence. And I have had my fair share of those experiences as well. But my thriftiness, aka cheapness, makes me coming back for more. And to be fair, I have been going to the same stylist at the same Great Clips for 7½ years now. I have MAYBE walked away from her chair unsatisfied twice in all that time. And that wasn’t even raging angry…just a little put out that it wasn’t quite what I anticipated. All in all, not a bad record if you ask me. Sure I have to sometimes put up with a little fussiness, but  in the end, I’d say it’s worth it. In the past, I have gone to much pricier places and been less pleased with them, so I’m sticking with my Mary.

So yes…I go to Great Clips for myself. I get lots (I was going to use the word “multitude” here because “lots” is not very descriptive word…I learned that through my 11 yo’s composition class, however “multitude” seemed like over-writing it there. Agreed?) of compliments on my hair…so I take that as a sign that it must not look too terrible. It must be the innately-good hair genes I have, is what I’m guessing.

And when I get my hair cut, I try to always have a coupon handy. But even if I don’t, the cut is still only $12. Plus tip…usually $4…it is my hair, one of the first things people see when they look at me, for crying out loud! That’s a 33% tip…I don’t think that’s terrible. And if the peanut gallery takes issue, they can keep their comments to themselves.

I also encourage/make my husband use Great Clips (or Sport Clips, which is more expensive, unless I have a coupon for it…depends on what is the best deal at the time he is in need of a trim). His Great Clips location of choice is on the North side of the city…they charge $13 up there…much more high-class than us hicks in the sticks. (Yeah, we don’t really live in the sticks, or the country in any way...it’s simply how the north-siders view us. Trust me, they have their fair-share of country-bumpkins up thataway.) But I digress…

And I usually cut the PBA’s hair myself. The 9yo is always wanting his grown out and then cut off…which makes cutting it (or not cutting it) easy-breezy lemon-squeezy for me!  And the 11yo is pretty easy too…7 guard on the top and 3 guard on the sides. Shave the neck and cut the sideburns short. See, you could do it too, but only if you don’t charge me…remember, I’m cheap.

So just to recap so far, I pay approximately $33 (including tips) TOTAL for all four of us to have our hair cut once every 5-6 weeks. And actually the PBA need their more often than 5-6 weeks, but that doesn’t really matter since it’s free (excepting for the weeping and gnashing of teeth which sometimes accompanies it…it is difficult to stand in the middle of the living room …or sit on a bar stool…on a sheet, with another sheet around your shoulders, and watch TV while mom cuts your hair. Don’t you really feel for them? It’s a tough life, isn’t it?...).

However, you may recall that there is someone/something else which lives with us. Indy, our dumb dog. Yes, that is a disparaging comment, and yet if you know him, you know I speak truth. I would never lie to you, whether I know you or not. If you’d like a brief overview of Indy’s time with us thus far, please go here. You will soon agree, if you don’t already know, that he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box. But anyway…we were talking about necessary grooming.

So, Indy is a mutt…I’m sorry, he’s a “mixed breed”. That’s what we told the groomer. I’m not sure they were impressed. All that means is that we have no idea about his pedigree (there seems to be none), and we don’t even have a cute hybrid-style name for him, such as “labradoodle” or “pekepoo”…he’s simply “hot mess”.

But, alas, he still needs to be groomed. When we got him from the shelter, he had apparently been recently groomed and we didn’t know exactly what kind of grooming maintenance we were getting by bringing him home. I was not a “dog-person” before we got him, so even telling me the list of possible types of dogs which contributed to him didn’t really click in my head as to what he would naturally look like without proper grooming. I feel a little duped, because I was willing to overlook the fact that he was white and male (two qualities I said I didn’t want in a dog), but didn’t know he had such long hair. I did not want a dog with long hair. Now, I’m not talking Afghan Hound long, but long enough. On a side note, does anyone else out there remember that Barbie had an Afghan Hound…I do because I had one. Her name was Beauty. Yes, these are the things my brain latches on to. Fantastic.

On the flip side, I couldn’t quite remember when Indy had last been to see Groomer Gregg, but I knew it had been a little while, because our dog was S.H.A.G.G.Y. I thought surely it had been in the past couple months. Imagine my surprise when the groomer informed me it had been since June. Huh. No wonder it seemed like he was looking exceptionally bad.

To be fair, I love how he looks when he’s freshly-groomed, but man, I hate to pay for it. I wish I was confident in my clipping skills, so much so that I could clip his coat and trim his nails without fear of injuring him. I mean, I do it on my children without issue, and he’s just a dog. I don’t mean that in a callous, uncaring way and please don’t call PETA on me. But yet, the idea of grooming him myself intimidates me. I doubt my children would snap at or bite me if I accidently nicked them. I have cut their nails down to the quick (on accident) in the past, but have never (as yet at the time of this posting) cut or nicked them with the scissors or clippers. I have, however, accidently gotten the clippers caught and have pulled their hair pretty hard. And yet they continue to let me cut it, so it must not be too terrible.

Anyway, back to Indy. We took him to Gregg today. Way overdue…but it feels like such a hit to the wallet. I pay $35 (including tip) for them to fancy him up. Sure that includes a cute little bandana which drives him nuts for a couple days until it falls off, but still. $35. Crazy! Can you imagine that? That is more than what it costs my entire family to get “groomed”.

On the surface that’s crazy, right? Well, today as I am discussing with the groomer what I’d like done, my 11yo is holding the leash and Indy is running around the entryway like a dog possessed. And then all of a sudden, I smell a rather pungent odor.  I look over at the dog and he has pooped all over the floor. And I don’t mean, “Oh sorry, that must have slipped out in my excitement to be here!” I mean…this was intentional. And in several spots throughout the lobby. Oh yes…he’s as classy as the rest of us.

At that point, I wanted to pack up the troops and bail on the grooming mission. But I didn’t leave. I did offer to clean it up...but they were so nice and cleaned it up like it wasn’t any big deal in the slightest. I’m sorry…it’s dog poop. And I apologize if this is too graphic, but today’s deposit WAS a big deal.

Sure, one could argue that it’s their line of work and it doesn’t bother them…blah, blah, blah. But seriously, how do you ever get used to that? Thank you, Lord, that you didn’t design me for that. Clean up a preschooler who peed and pooped in his pants…I can do that any day of the week. Sure I might gag, but I can still do it. Pick up another dog’s poop? Nope.

Still feeling badly when I picked him up, I tried to make amends by way of the tip. But how can you make up for that? I really should be tipping these people more. Would 100% be too much, do you think?

It may be another four months before I can muster the courage to take him back…I’ll just go ahead and make that appointment for sometime in February. I’m sure the groomer won’t be surprised.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that $35 is worth it.

See, look how handsome he is...and not scary at all when his oh-so-attractive underbite isn't showing!