Good Camouflage

Warning: there’s a lot of “back and forth” business going on in this post. It’s almost like it’s Monday morning and I have about 25 different things I’m thinking about and am not entirely focused on writing.

But at the same time, I haven’t written much in DAYS and am starting to get a stockpile of rambling thoughts I just need to get out.

Lucky you.

All that to say: be sure to take your Dramamine before embarking on this trip.

We like shopping for clothes. (Note the smooth transition…that’s why I get paid the big bucks)

Don’t get me wrong…we don’t pay full-price or anything crazy like that. (But I’m certain that you knew all that already…stick with me. I promise that it won’t all be review.)

Nor are we the pinnacle of high-fashion. Or possibly of fashion at all. We just like what we like.

And we like clothes.

And shoes.

And when I say “we”, I am referring to myself, Mr. AR, and the 12yo.

I cannot even bring myself to show you photos of our closets.

Cannot.

Odd thing…I never seem to have anything to wear, or I wear the same few things over and over. Not on purpose…it just seems to happen.

For the record, I do try one on a lot of those clothes hanging in my closet, but rarely do any of them make an actual appearance outside in the sunlight.

I think that the mirrors at the stores lie to me. It’s like Elaine buying that dress at Barney’s, only to get it home and find out that the store has “skinny mirrors”. (Anyone getting that reference?)

I do clean out my clothes every 6 months, by the way…lest you be judging me and thinking me a hoarder. Mr. AR? Not so much. I see an appearance on A&E in his future if I should die before him.

In the meantime, feel free to watch more episodes of “Hoarders” than you ever would want to right here.

For the record, I am NOT making fun of people with this condition…it is truly an issue/illness which is devastating and debilitating and should not be taken lightly.

But now back to me being random and shallow.

Why, oh why is it that I wear only a fraction of what I have in my closet?!?

I don’t have any answers for you on that today. If I did, I would write a book. I would love to write a book, but that’s not the one for me to write….because I have no answers on that subject.

I am trying to figure out what kind of book I AM going to write. I may have gotten a tiny glimpse of it last week at a chance lunch meeting…but I digress. And I don’t want to put the cart before the horse.

So I’m keeping that tight-lipped for now.

Tight-lipped, I tell you…don’t even ask because I’m not talking.

I would surely jinx it anyway. Not that I’m into that kind of voodoo business…but if I were, well…you understand.

Besides, it would be potentially YEARS before that book idea would/could all come together.

Again...I digress.

My point in all this: I don’t exactly know where we went wrong, but my 11yo is not the clothes-horse that the rest of us are. I try not to blame myself.

He has his rotation of about 3-4 shirts he wears (and because I enable this by doing laundry so frequently, he can stick with this lifestyle choice; I don’t do laundry often explicitly for him…we just have copious amounts of laundry and I am simply trying to keep it at bay. It is a side-effect that this works out well for him.)

God bless him…he’s always been that “hand-me-down-clothes” kid. Which has been a blessing for us…we have had so many people willingly give us bags of clothes for the boys. Bags of clothes = hundreds of dollars.

I know I have mentioned this before but I have to say it again. Because God is awesome to bless us this way and I just have to tell you.

To top it all off, my mom loves to buy clothes for the boys. Ergo…I rarely, if ever, have to. I mean GET to. (Because clothes shopping with boys is SO much fun…and I hate to miss out on that.)

Although my mom was a little miffed with him a couple weeks ago. She and my dad took the PBA clothes shopping and the 12yo was all-in. The 11yo came home with some socks. After much coaxing/poking/prodding, he finally acquiesced and allowed them to buy some socks for him.

Albeit Puma brand socks…like his brother’s and his dad’s, so sorting socks in the laundry is uber-fun. 

Usually I will mate the socks and leave them in a pile on the coffeetable and instruct them to “find your own socks”.

That’s how I roll, people. (I don’t like to brag but I am pretty hard-core.)

Actually...clothing choices have become interesting with the 12yo. I know I have talked about this before so I won’t discuss it again (at least right now…I am certain it will be revisited). In the past year or so he has definitely come into his own with his own sense of fashion and choices and opinions on what he likes and what he does not.

Rarely am I right when I think I have him pegged…so I don’t dare buy anything for him without him being present.

And yesterday, I felt was a prime opportunity for him to look for some new threads. (The kids still say that, right? I’m still hip when I say that, aren’t I?)

We were at Goodwill (duh…because Salvation Army is closed on Sundays), and thought he would JUMP on the chance to look.

So of course all you psychics out there can predict how that wet: nope, he didn’t want to look at all.

At.all.

Well, I went about my looking (which, for the record, was not for clothes but for other project essentials… essentials I tell you!) and just happened to notice a pair of pants in the boys section that I thought my 11yo would like.

You remember…the 11yo who wears the same 3-4 shirts and doesn’t want to look at or buy clothes. Ever.

He is perfectly content when I fill the dresser with hand-me-downs each change of season and never feels the need to try things on (I do MAKE him try them on…much to his chagrin, but you probably already knew that; sure, there’s whining, and weeping & gnashing of teeth, so it’s clearly the twice-yearly event to which I look forward the most).

Anyway…I happened to notice some pants in the boys section and I thought he might like them. When I saw him milling about (he was perusing the toys which I wasn’t about to let him get any b/c there is no need for any more non-played-with toys in our house), I casually mentioned that I saw some pants he might like and that he should go check them out.

Insert eyeroll.

But he did go look. (Shock of all shocks!)

The next thing I knew, he was standing next to me, holding the pants. And asking where the fitting room was.

It was a Goodwill Miracle!

Of course I pointed them out to him…because he would have no idea where they would be. And I followed him over there.

But made sure he didn’t see me follow. Didn’t want to spook him…you know how he startles easily.

He went inside and (thankfully) closed the door…yes, I say thankfully only because this was a new experience for him and I didn’t really know what to expect.

Actually, I anticipated a very quick turn around time. Thirty seconds tops.

But after a few minutes, I was beginning to worry. “What was he doing in there?” Finally I called his name…right as he was exiting.

11yo: “What?!?” (like I was the idiot…)

But his irritation was short-lived. In fact, he was all a-twitter. “They fit but I think even in the fall that I’ll still have to wear a belt. And they come right down to the end of my Achilles Heel so by the fall they will be the perfect length. And I think they will be great when we play in the woods!”

Yes, yes they will.

Did I neglect to mention that this boy LOVES camouflage? L.O.V.E.S. it. Like nothing else.

Well, maybe like he loves the Packers.

Insert apologies here to my future DIL…I am choosing which hills to die on, and frankly...squashing his love of camo and/or the Pack are low on my list right now; that gauntlet very well may be passed on to you. I am choosing proper manners and holding utensils correctly and closing the bathroom door. Please forgive?

So I figured this was a home-run on my part. And I don’t mean to brag (but totally will) but I was right.

One last thing, though…we had to have a chat about where to wear the camo. Yes, add that to the list of conversations I never thought I would have: “Where camo is and is not appropriate to wear.”

Me: Just so we’re clear…these are NOT pants to wear to church. Ever.

11yo: Oh, I know…that’s what my GOOD camouflage pants are for.

So long as we’re clear…

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