Monday, April 7, 2014

Deuteronomy and Tween Boys

So…way back in July (you know…last “fall” when we started school), reading through the Bible with the PBA sounded like a great idea.

Dare I say admirable?

I am not bragging here (it was more of a Bucket List kind of thing), but I have had the opportunity to read through the Bible, cover to cover, twice in the past 4 years. I used two different “Bible in a Year” versions and each one took me a touch shy of 2 years (don’t judge).

The first one gave me some Old Testament, some New Testament, and some Psalms and Proverbs (and yes, before you correct me, these are both in the Old Testament too) each day. For a year. But it took me two years.

The second one was chronological. I much preferred it. I like things to be sequential. I mean, I guess I understand WHY it’s not sequential in the “official” version, but still. I like what I like.

Yes, my "CDO" is showing (See, that's funny because it should be "OCD" but I put the letters in alphabetical order. Please direct all groans at that joke to my friend NB.)

And because I enjoyed the chronological version so much, and because I felt that it is important for the PBA to understand the chronology of Biblical events, I embarked (remember? last July) on a voyage of reading through the Bible (chronologically) with the PBA.

I had no such grandiose vision that we would complete it in a year. Or even 2. It’s feeling more like 3 at least at this point.

Or more.

To be fair, we did pause in December and read the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ birth…so slightly out of timeline order, but I figured they could handle it.

They have heard the Christmas story once or twice before.

I’m sure that’s what has thrown us so far behind, right?

Anyway…even though I have read the Bible through twice, I apparently forgot about many of those “unmentionable” topics which one does not often discuss with their tweens.

Especially when “one” is a mom and the tweens are boys.

But God has been growing me and there are now certain things I can say to my boys that I could not a year ago.

I was about to list them all here for you but being that I am still something of a prude, I will not.

Plus I don’t need an excuse for my blog to be any more popular in Russia than it already is.

I shall save my “questionable language” for the quoting of Scripture.

We sped through Genesis and Exodus, got a little (ok, a lot) bogged down in Leviticus and Numbers.

In case you aren’t aware, there’s a lot of counting and a lot of rules in those books.

But now we are currently in the book of Deuteronomy.  

And we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Before I continue I must add this Spoiler Alert: where are to the point at which Moses is close to death and Joshua is about to take over the reins to leading the Israelites.

Just for your frame of reference.

And my mother made the mistake of asking the PBA what they had been learning in school.

And I’ll be honest, last week we did school on Thursday and Friday only.

And lest you think me a total slacker, it was Spring Break, remember? We had school for two half weeks, with one week off in the middle.

Understand? (OK, because I fear that is unclear, I shall lay it out: we actually went to school on Monday and Tuesday, had Wednesday-the following Wednesday off, and had school Thursday and Friday. Clear as mud, right?)

I pretend it gives the feeling of a much longer break than it actually is.

They contained enough material to count as real days, but they were slightly sparser than usual.

So before I thought about it, I said, “Tell her what we talked about in Bible Time!”

And this is what the 11yo said, “No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose penis has been cut off may enter the Lord’s assembly.” Leviticus 23:1.

And then he added, “Do not bring a female prostitute’s wages or a male prostitute’s earnings into the house of the Lord your God to fulfill any vow, because both are detestable to the Lord your God.” Leviticus 23:18.

Now, to be fair, he didn’t quite have the verse 18 memorized perfectly but boy, I must confess: verse 1 certainly rolled off his tongue without any trouble whatsoever.

My mom looked at me (her eyes were kind of big…you can certainly understand that, right?) and all I said was, “Well, we are teaching them God’s word..."

I’m certain it was as much of a proud mama moment for her, as much as it was for me…


  1. That is quite the goal you have set. Good for you!

    There wasn't a doubt in my mind that the boy would tell Grandma exactly what he had learned. :)

  2. Oh, children.... how often they remind us that they were not put on this earth to make us look good... ;)

  3. hahhahahahahaaaaaaaaa.... So funny! I remember learning Leviticus in Catholic school... no picnic with an elderly nun as your guide and too many interested little boys and girls.... As an aside I totally got and laughed at your CDO joke! Hey I have been reading you for some time and still dont know what PBA stands for but was reluctant to ask as I feel I should... am I being stupid or what?

    1. Oh no! I'm so sorry, Zoe! PBA is our homeschool name (which we don't need but of course I wanted to have one) stands for Parker Brothers Academy.

    2. You know how a teacher sometimes says that iIf you have a question, go ahead and ask it, because there are probably others in the class that want to know the answer but are afraid to ask? THOSE TEACHERS WERE RIGHT! PBA = Parker Brothers Academy! Who knew?! (Obviously not me nor Zoe.)

    3. I love those boys! They crack me up!