Thursday, August 7, 2014

Opportunity Missed

A couple days ago, I regrettably missed a grand opportunity for the PBA to think I had telepathic abilities.

We were at a stop light (or "traffic signal" as Mr. AR has trained me to call them…they’re in his line of work, lest you be unaware) and were parked in the left turn lane.

I sat “parked” because we had a car in front of us and a semi behind us; we were going nowhere fast.

Now this particular intersection is very busy. In fact, I believe it has the highest number of accidents for an intersection in our county. I found be mistaken on that though so do not quote me on that.

And if you don’t live in Greenwood, Indiana you probably don’t even know to which intersection I am referring...just going out on a limb here.

If you do live here, you probably DO know to which intersection I am referring…it’s the one which will be immeasurably worse once Wal-mart opens.

I can’t even talk about it, I’m so mad about it. Not so much the Wal-mart (though, let the record show that I loathe it entirely),

Say that like this:

OK…here’s the rest of my sentence: but what the traffic “flow” (I use the term loosely because there most definitely will not be any flow to the traffic) will resemble: a train wreck.

But I digress…

So when we pulled up to the light, it was green but not a green arrow. For those of you unfamiliar with how this works, when the arrow is green you have permission to turn left…always. If the light is green but the arrow is not, you have permission to turn but only if there's no traffic coming. The whole “right-of-way” thing comes into play…which is confusing because it’s a left turn.

Also, if there's a sign telling you that you can’t turn unless there’s an arrow, then you can’t actually turn unless there’s an arrow.

We do not have such a sign at this intersection; I include this tidbit if information to educate my adoring fans. Plus I do not want to be on the hook if one of you chooses to ignore said sign and tell the judge at your court date, “But Mrs. Always Random said I could turn if the light was green!”

Much as I love you all, I’m not going down for anybody!

I also share this rule because I have been, on more than one occasion, behind someone who clearly is unaware that this rule exists. And he or she just sits there.

Which means we all sit there, like idiots!

Say that like this:

Yes, I was clearly channeling some of my favorite comedic scenes when I wrote this…but I like to think it helps my readers understand the tone and mood with which I am speaking…agreed?

Even if you don’t agree, I shall continue to use them…that’s how I roll.

And we’re back: in this situation, the woman in front of me was right to sit tight and wait.

However she’d taken it upon herself to ooze into the middle of the intersection to wait her turn. Which meant that she was very much in the way when the light turned yellow and then subsequently red…as traffic signals are prone to do (unless there’s a problem with them…then they don’t always work that way. But you get my point).

And when the light turned yellow and then red, instead of punching the gas as any lucid person (i.e. I) would do, she backed up.

Fortunately I had given her a wide berth (very much out of character for me, as I usually scoot right out there into the intersection too…I don’t want anyone to feel lonely hanging out by him or herself; I’m a giver) at that intersection because I know you have to be somewhat aggressive to get through that green light…it doesn't tarry.

So yes, she backed up. Kind of. Her nose was still definitely in the intersection. And I know this sounds judgmental and presumptive (probably because it is) but I could see just the top of her permed and what-appeared-to-be-recently-set white hair, barely visible over the top of her seat.

Take that info for what it's worth. I think you know what I’m getting at here.

But I noticed something, rather astutely I might add, because I'm a good defensive driver. Mr. Price from Tom Sneva's School of Safe Driving would be proud, a man who actually scared me to death.

What did I notice, you are undoubtedly asking, because I lost my train of thought…I noticed that her reverse lights were still on as she sat there…still slightly in the middle of the intersection. I don’t judge that.

OK, yes I do.

Increasingly concerned with her proximity, I backed up closer to the semi, hoping that we wouldn't be pushed into its front grill.

The whole thing was a little dicey, in case you couldn't tell.
This is where my would-be telepathy skills came into play. I said “Boys, I don't want you to worry but do you see this woman in the car in front of us? She's got her car in reverse. What do you think is going to happen when the light turns green and she tries to go forward?”

They stared out the windshield for several seconds before the 13yo said, "Ummm, how could you possibly know that?"

11yo: “Yeah, are you some kind of a witch?”
Now, this presented me with a road diverged and I took the one most traveled.

Or maybe it's the least traveled.

Either way...I told them how I knew she was in reverse. I shall blame my non quick-witted response on my lack of sugar as of late.

I actually clued them in on the whole reverse light thing…and not only that, went on to tell them about brake lights and rear lights.

I was spewing forth like a vertable fount of automobile information.

Lest you think them completely un-versed in all things car-related, they had already picked up (on their own) on the whole “turn signal light business.”

They are also astute.

Like mother like son I always say.

That's not true; I have never said that.

When the light turned green, the lady just sat there...which did not help my level of comfort about the situation.

Then I heard the semi-driver behind me honk. "Good Lord, man! Don't you see that she's in reverse?"

That's not EXACTLY what I thought...but this is a family-friendly blog so I will clean it up a bit.

I'm going to presume that he did not, in fact, attend Tom Sneva's School of Safe Driving.

Oh course, my heart lept out of my chest, because the L.A.S.T. thing I would want to happen is for her to panic because she's being honked at and hit her gas hard.

Fortunately for us, she did not hit it hard. Or if she did, her definition of "hitting it hard" and mine are completely different.

I don't judge...and frankly, in this instance, I was relieved.

She apparently tapped her gas pedal lightly. A couple times, actually. I can only assume the confusion when she went backwards instead of forwards, as she had planned.

But she finally figured it out. Once the green arrow was gone. 

She turned left anyway...which may or may not have been what she should have done in the first place.

Follow me on Facebook! Or on Instagram (look for "mrsalwaysrandom")


  1. Whew!!! I was actually reading faster and faster to see if she hit you or not!!!