Monday, September 30, 2013

Dear DILs: My Apologies to Mr. Crapper

To my Dear, Sweet DILs,

Words cannot describe to you how sorry I am but for some reason, SOMEONE in my family who shall remain nameless but is possibly the very same lady who gave birth to ME, told the boys a while ago that it was Mr. Thomas Crapper who invented the toilet.

It’s true…you can Google it if you don’t believe me.

Why did this sweet, quiet woman do this? I don’t know, because it’s probably not something we would have ever discussed when I was a child.

It’s truly amazing how boys can make you lose your filter of all things fit to discuss. I’m sure you’ll find that to be the case as well, especially if you have sons someday.

However, I do want you to know that at least one of my boys is learning how to clean a toilet. 

The way our household chores are divided up, the PBA are responsible for both their bathroom (yes, they share a bathroom…they have it rough, right?) and the guest bathroom.

NOTE: If you are a guest in our home, please overlook any imperfect cleaning which may or may not have happened in that bathroom; I try to keep an eye on it, but you know, I’m imperfect too.

Ideally, they each clean a bathroom, taking turns on who cleans which one. But no, they have elected the “assembly line” method…which I can totally appreciate. One cleans the sinks and the mirrors, the other one cleans the toilets.

And as an aside, you know that the toilet bowl is getting “well cleaned” when there is so much cleaner that the water is still foamy after the toilet’s been used and flushed three times.

Three times.

That’s a LOT of toilet bowl cleaner, lest you be unaware.

You might want to go ahead and invest in Lysol now, because I have not tried to make my own toilet bowl cleaner. Yet. Although I suspect vinegar would do the trick. It’s like a magic potion, that vinegar.

You’ll probably get a case of it from me as a wedding gift, so please do not be surprised or taken aback.

And just to bring us back to the topic I started out to discuss, regardless of however clean the toilet is, the tub is actually the polar opposite. It goes largely ignored. Gross? Sure…but it’s not high on my priorities list. These boys want to be fed EVERY day. And not just once…several times. That’s kind of a higher priority right now.

All that to say, try not to look in their shower stall if/when you ever come over…that’s what shower curtains are for.

As a general rule, in case your mama didn’t tell you, you should not EVER look behind the shower curtain in anyone’s house, as you may never look at someone the same way again.

I know of one Senior Saint, for instance, who stockpiles toilet paper in her tub. Buys it every time she sees it on sale. Yup, she does. It won’t go bad, so there’s no harm in that.

Plus, when the government starts limiting the amount of toilet paper we can purchase and then use, she will be set.

No, I’m not a conspiratist…why would you ask that?

I might very well do the same myself…stockpiling toilet paper. That, of course, being in addition to hiding candy in every drawer of the house, and stocking the freezer full of “ice cream novelties”.

"You just can’t have enough sugar in the house." = words to live by.

As I think about it, I am really starting to see the beauty in this woman’s plan.

Consider yourselves warned, ladies. And perhaps run the other way…not so much because of your husband-to-be, but because of your future MIL.

I do love you, darlings, and I pray for you often. Trust me…you’re going to need it.


Your Future MIL


  1. You forgot to mention that the boys found great humor in trying out everyone's first name with Crapper, including yours, which they deemed the funniest!

  2. Stockpile...toilet paper? In the bath? But where does she wash?

    1. She's of an age where a spongebath is what's adequate. She goes and has her hair washed and set at the "salon" so she's decided the tub is a more suitable for use as a storage facility. :)

    2. Oh. Well, wow! Such a massive cultural difference right there :D

  3. I could have sworn I commented already, but it's not hear, so....

    When the time comes, I will trade you eggs for toilet paper.