Wednesday, October 10, 2012

In Which I Ruminate on Halloween

So, it’s that time of year again, folks. Halloween. The time in which my children are constantly wanting to discuss their Halloween costumes and the minutia of details which no one will notice but them.

Secretly I am slightly thankful that they care about the details of ANYTHING, but I do wish that it would not be only when we are in the midst of our history lesson. Times like these are when they want to discuss the authenticity of the army jacket (which was purchased at Salvation Army for $2…you go with what KIND OF fits the bill). Or that the orange tape being used for stripes on the Hunger Games tribute jacket; it was the only shade of orange which JoAnn’s had in their Duct Tape section…”bright, leaning toward neon” orange instead of “pumpkin” orange (for the record, he didn’t use either of those names for orange…he just pointed out something which he thought was more the authentic shade of orange…and it happened to be “pumpkin” in color.
Seriously sweetheart, I don’t think anyone’s going to call you out on having the slightly incorrect shade of orange stripe in your costume, if they even know what you are at all. You are up to the door, pandering for free candy and have disappeared into the night before anyone can even pause and consider what you are supposed to be…let alone point out the discrepancies in your costumes. But I digress…my plan was to talk about the candy. And now I shall.

But first I must ask…anyone else out there still waiting for their children to finish up last year’s Halloween haul? I must confess that we all sort of forgot about it. I’m not entirely sure who brought it to the forefront. It was probably me. I think I was getting something out of the pantry and I happened to see the two plastic baskets on the top shelf, with the remaining dregs from last October.
Most assuredly my husband, who is just a smidge taller than me (see, that’s funny because if you know us, you know that there’s about a foot difference between our heights…just trying to make sure everyone gets all the jokes, not just those who know me… equal opportunity and all that), was fully aware that this candy was up there. Or he at least could have been aware had he looked in that general direction. They are at his eye-level. But I’m not here to play the blame game. I will take responsibility for forgetting about them, as well as momentarily losing my filter and calling attention to their existence. Should have simply dumped them out, with no one being the wiser. And yet, I mentioned it to my boys. See…like I said, I was lacking filter.

Back to the candy…when I say dregs from last October, that is precisely what I mean. I will go ahead and apologize now if any of these things are your absolute favorites…but if so, please come to my house and remove them from the premises. My children will never notice, most assuredly. And you’d better come over quickly, because they MAY get handed out this Halloween to any unsuspecting trick-or-treaters.
So, the items remaining in the baskets:
  • Dum-dums (and some of these MAY have been around for 2 years…things just sort of got piled on top, I hate to say)
  • Atomic Fireballs
  • Now & Laters
  • Laffy Taffy (which I will actually eat if in a sugar bind)
  • Dubble Bubble gum (you know the kind…it’s hard as a rock, even when it’s fresh, very sweet and loses its flavor after about 30 second…yes, we have tons of that)
  • Some other random hard candy which I suspect a Senior Saint may have handed out…I’m sure you are familiar with the Brach’s Mix of assorted candies…peppermints, butterscotches, cinnamon disks, candy of this genre…I will let you ruminate on how I come to that conclusion on who gave them out. Don’t want to point any fingers at anyone. Again, not here to play the blame game.
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As I consider this year, I will encourage my children to be more selective in what they take. If it’s not something which will be eaten in the first month or so (or if it will fail to freeze well…all the chocolate will freeze well, just in case you were not aware), please don’t take  it.

My other consideration is to have a statute of limitations on the candy. Say…if it’s not eaten by such and such a date, then it will be thrown away or a new home will be found for it. Namely my desk drawer at work, but the PBA doesn’t need to know that.  I will simply tell them that we found a good home for the candy. As I think on this, I believe I have stumbled upon the best option. Win-win for everyone. They don’t need to eat all that candy, and I hate to throw away good candy (or any food for that matter). Crisis averted.
One other thing about Halloween: You’re not supposed to take candy from strangers EVER and yet this is the one day each year in which I not only turn a blind eye to that hard and fast rule…I actually encourage it. I help dress you up to be something you’re not, I send you out in the cold, and I tell you to pander  at stranger’s doors. Pander for candy no less. What a messed-up holiday this is.

And yet, I’m totally on board with the insanity of it; to be honest, I rue the day when the PBA will be too old to trick or treat. It means that I will have to wait until the day after Halloween to get my clearance candy. Not quite as good as free, but I will take what I can get. Bring on the sugar. I mean…I don’t eat my children’s Halloween candy. That’s preposterous! Whatever are you implying? Frankly I’m insulted by your insinuations. But I will let you make it up to me. My love language is gifts. I like chocolate. Do with that information what you will.

1 comment:

  1. It's back! Yeah! I can once again regale you with all manner of thoughts and advice:) Since we've moved to the boonies, I'm perfectly fine with trick-or-treating. No one comes to our house, and the little square down the road only has about 30 houses. No endless supply of candy here. Thank heavens. Feel free to send any and all Butterfinger my way. Last year, not one of our neighbors gave them out.

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