Sunday, March 31, 2013

Airing My Laundry

The PBA told me a couple weeks ago that they DID NOT want to do an egg hunt this year for Easter.

Of course, I feigned surprise that they would tell ME such things…the Easter Bunny was the one they should be telling.

Like any good Mommy, I like to lie to my children about who brings them presents and sweet treats, thereby causing them to question ALL I have ever said or done for them. It’s a great way to elicit trust in the relationship.

Now, they had clearly known for a while that there was (Spoiler Alert!!!) no Easter Bunny, but it didn’t stop them from playing along on Easter morning.

Until this year.

Last year they didn’t want to color eggs…it was the beginning of the end, really. I should have seen it coming. Perhaps I was in denial.

But this year, I told them that if there was no Easter Bunny, they wouldn’t get candy at our house on Easter morning.

I kept reminding them of this, over the course of the next couple weeks…not because I necessarily L.O.V.E. the egg hunt, or love having the fear that the dog will crack open some eggs in the middle of the night (we hide eggs before we go to bed because we never know when the PBA will awaken) and kill himself on chocolate (chocolate’s bad for dog’s you know…if you don’t know, now you do; it’s a PSA here really). “Happy Easter, kids!  Your dog is dead, you have no candy…but Christ is risen!”

We really should be focusing on that more than anything…not the fact that there is no Easter Bunny.

But right now, I’m all about the chocolate. Shocker.

And I REALLY thought it might convince them to let me do a hunt for them. But I forgot about their secret weapon: grandparents. Those grandparents ALWAYS get them some candy. So my efforts were unintentionally thwarted.

In fact, they kept telling me that they “had other sources”. Nice.

You might be wondering why, pray tell, I was so bent on the egg hunt. Let me explain. My angst was NOT about the egg hunt itself. My real concern was that if THEY didn’t have an egg hunt, that meant they wouldn’t get Easter candy. And if they didn’t get Easter candy, that mean someone else (ok…ME) would not have Easter candy from which to pilfer. Let’s just call this what it is.

You might be thinking: but wait, didn't you just say the grandparents would be giving them candy? Why yes, yes I did. But I wasn't 100% certain that I would count on the grandparent haul of candy to provide enough that my pilfering would go by unnoticed. That, and I wasn't 100% certain that I would like the candy offerings of the grandparents.

Also…my love language is gifts. I may or may not have mentioned that before. Just throwing that out there in case anyone is looking for a last-minute gift idea for me…last minute for what, I really don’t know. Just last minute.

To review:  I like gifts. Chocolate, especially. Just sayin’.

So… I just could not let Easter go by without giving the PBA baskets at least. Well, baskets filled with chocolate.  I wouldn’t humiliate them by MAKING them do the hunt, but I might next year. Different year, different rules.

All this to say, because I had been so staunch about my “No Easter Bunny = No Easter Egg Hunt = No Easter Candy” rule, I didn’t want to roll over and simply give in.

So this is the basket they found from the Easter Bunny this morning:

Why yes, it is a basket of laundry.

If you know me at all, you know this was not at all difficult for me to arrange. I can get it washed and into the basket. It’s the “basket-to-bedroom delivery system” which I am still trying to work out.

And if you know my children at all, you know that they were not at all amused. In fact, they didn’t even acknowledge it.

I have taught them well: when someone bests you, it is better to simply not acknowledge it…thereby besting the bester.

I was a little hurt. But not too hurt. I did eventually give them baskets full of candy. My favorite kind, actually. Funny how that worked out.

It’s unfortunate for them that they will be gone for three days this week. I hope, for their sakes (and the sakes of their candy haul), that they take an inventory prior to departure. 

Because I’m not going anywhere.

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