Saturday, September 22, 2012

Put a Cork In It

Sometimes I just want peace and quiet. Who am I kidding? MOST of the time all of the time I want is peace and quiet. I don't even always NEED the quiet to accompany the peace, but if I get it too, it’s the icing (chocolate buttercream, in case you were wondering). Peace in and of itself is like a little slice of Heaven at the PBA.

And clearly I have not experienced Heaven but I doubt that God is there, breaking up arguments about who is making too much noise with a DS whilst someone else is trying to take a nap in the car. (Actually I know he's not because video games are from Satan; they definitely won’t be in Heaven.) But I digress…
We'd had a lovely day. A family field trip in Lafayette (we weren’t anywhere near the campus that’s there…what’s it called again?). Very little nitpicking going on for several hours.  I mean, it was no big family love-fest but we were doing okay; better than average, I would venture to guess.

As we sat down in the car to head for home, they were immediately embroiled in a raging battle. Really? Really really. Over…yes, you guessed it… sleep, a DS and other various noises.
Unfortunately, today I wanted the moon; in addition to the peace, I also wanted quiet. In a closely-confined space, such as a mini-van, the quiet goes hand-in-hand with the peace and there's no wiggle room or negotiations. I don't negotiate with terrorists. (They're really not that bad...I just like saying that.)
Why do boys (I make assumptions here that this relates only to boys because I don’t have girls and frankly cannot fathom that they would behave this way, even if I did have a daughter or two; I’m jumping to conclusions that it is the y-chromosome that causes this to happen) deplete/waste/utilize so much energy by arguing and picking picking picking at one another? Feel free to message me if you have an answer. I know some of you out there have boys as well…some of you have SEVERAL boys…so feel free to call in your answers now. A big prize awaits the one with the correct answer.

I, on the other hand, have no hope to offer anyone looking for it. Or even if you’re not looking for it, I still have no hope for you. But what I do have I'm willing and eager to share; it is a listing of various and sundry ways to ask/tell people to be quiet (there are others which I chose to exclude because I don't use them and they are a little unsavory):
  • Put a cork in it.
  • Be quiet.
  • Put a sock in it.
  • Shut your mouth.
  • Shut your yap.
  • Shut it.
  • Stop…
  • I don't want to hear you say another word.
  • Be quiet.
  • Seriously?
  • Pipe down.
  • Simmer down now.
  • Hush it.
  • Hush up.
  • Shhh.
  • Let me tell you a little story about a man named shhhhhh!
  • (non-verbal eye-roll)
Okay, I use this list almost exclusively for the PBA, but feel free to use them with a more wide-reaching audience…or on the PBA specifically if you happen to know them and they are being too rambunctious. They shouldn’t appear surprised to hear most of these, although some of them I have been saving for a really special event. But feel free to throw it out there if you are so inspired; it’s good to keep them on their toes.

Because I’m sure you were dying to know how this all ended, after a few minutes, and (I’m certain) my strict and swift dealing with the issue, they did get quiet. This is what happened.

I know it looks totally staged but I assure you...those boys were out cold. And very comfortable too.
To be honest, this is really the only way to keep them quiet, and it’s even not 100% effective. Sometimes they talk in their sleep.

1 comment:

  1. I highly recommend earplugs...and the exhortation, "Shut your cake hole."
    P.S. Love the new format!