Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I Do Not Negotiate With Terrorists

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but apparently the PBA think that everything I say now is up for debate.  I told them recently that I would not negotiate with terrorists. The 9yo began to cry (I did feel a little bit sorry and considered, perhaps, that I maybe had been a little too hard). But then he immediately wanted to argue about whether or not he was, in fact, a terrorist in the household, and I quickly put aside my feelings of regret. 

Just in case you were wondering what kind of horrible demands I place on my children, I have assembled a smattering of the things I say to them on a daily basis.

Please judge for yourself how burdensome these “requests” are for my kiddos. (I use the word “requests” here knowing that you fellow parents will fully understand what I mean…I say it is a request as though they have a choice, which in actuality we all know that they don’r. Clearly we need a “come to Jesus” meeting b/c the PBA has forgotten the rules to this game. I don’t phrase it as though there is a choice to be had…and yet, they argue, whine, nag and complain.
Have they not met me? Have they not been to this rodeo before? Don’t they know the complaining makes it worse?!? Here, for your perusal, is the list in somewhat random order:
  • You need to take your shower (and actually on this one, the complaining it sometimes the opposite of what one might think – they typically are mad if they aren’t the one chosen to go first…c’est tres bizarre, nes pas?).
  • The dog needs to go out (How can you try to debate that? He’s at the back door, whining…yes, he needs to go out).
  • You need to set the table.
  • Put away your laundry (you know, the laundry which I washed and folded and all you have to do is put it away…)
  • Don’t forget that it’s trash day so you’ll need to take out the trash (yes, I have to include that last part about “take out the trash” – just because it’s trash day does not mean it’s a given that the PBA will, in fact, remove the refuse from the house without being told).
  • It’s time to eat breakfast (Really? I have to remind them of this? I have never…not once in my life, even when deathly ill…never once forgotten to eat. Or had to be TOLD to eat.)
  • Brush your teeth.
  • It’s time for (blank…insert any number of subjects here, but usually math is the one which receives the most eye-rolls and audible groans).
  • We are going to watch (insert the name of any family-friendly show than the typical kid-favorite ones from Disney).
  • And drum roll, please…the one often met with the most complaining, your favorite and mine: It’s time for bed.
Clearly by this list, you can tell that my demands are ridiculous and someone should report me to the appropriate authorities…and it is obvious why my children would see these as open to debate. Personal hygiene and physical health, especially, are way over-rated. Someone should really put a stop to me.

Praying that their penchant for arguing will actually come in handy someday, because currently all it gets them is groundings.

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