Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Everything I Need

Heading out the door to go to the dentist early this morning, I threw my purse into the front seat beside me.

“Mom, why do you bring your purse everywhere you go?”
Well, aside from the obvious answer that it is super-cute and can really make an outfit pop, I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t think the Y-Chromosomes in the backseat would fully understand or appreciate that response.

“Well, it holds everything I need.”

“My wallet, phone, car keys, lipstick….”
While I was trying to recall what else I schlep around in the name of need, my 9yo piped up, “And wax.”

“Excuse me?”
“Wax. You have wax in your purse.”

“I do?”
“Yeah. Remember that time when I had that metal thing sticking out from my lip bumper and you got wax out of your purse to put on it so it didn’t hurt?”

Vaguely recalling such an episode, I nodded. Apparently I should redefine my wording of “everything I need.” I don’t know why I had that wax in there…perhaps from when I had braces about 6 years ago? Or when the 11yo had a lip bumper 4 years ago? The reason I put it in there escaped me.
And I’m not sure which is most disconcerting: that I am carrying wax around in my purse when I don’t have any real need of it, or that my 9yo thinks it is an essential item in my purse. Perhaps he should be carrying a purse with wax, since he was the one who had need of it. But that leads to a whole host of other issues. Nevermind. I’ll continue to carry the wax.

This whole conversation caused me to delve deeper into the contents of said purse and “everything I need.” Let’s examine them, shall we?
  • Wallet (containing very little cash, several store discount cards, a Starbucks gift card, a couple credit cards, insurance cards, a L.O.V.E.L.Y driver’s license issued by the state of Indiana, and a few loose coins)
  • Phone…need I say more?
  • Make-up bag (containing powder, several shades of lipgloss, chapstick, tweezers, nail files, mirror and powder)
  • Gum
  • Car and house keys
  • One of those handy-dandy, counter-weight things you put on the edge of a table at restaurants so you don’t have to put your purse on the floor (yucko!) or on the chair behind you where it may fall victim to a thief, or get knocked to the floor  (again I say yucko!)…I don’t know what it’s called but you all know what I’m talking about, don’t you?
  • Work keys
  • Feminine hygiene products (sorry guys…it’s the truth)
  • Dental wax (the kid was right)
  • Cough drops (which, BTW, are in a little baggie so the cough drops won’t get all that “purse fuzz” on them. You know what I’m talking about, ladies…those cough drops that have been rolling around in your purse since the 90’s that have part of the paper worn off and the exposed parts have purse fuzz stuck to them. The places in which the paper is not worn off are where the paper is spot-welded to the drop, thereby requiring you to put the whole thing in your mouth…paper and all. Then you have a choice to make: either spit out the paper in little bits as it works its way off the drop, or swallow the paper, which is clearly the more lady-like of the two options. Yes, least appetizing, but more lady-like.)
  • Tums (also in a baggie, but this is because the foil/paper on the roll wears off and allows bits of chalk/tums to disseminate all over everything in your purse if you don’t secure it in something. This is experience talking.)
  • Pens
  • Random paperclips rattling around in the bottom
  • Last but not least: the always-important, I-don’t-know-how-we-survived-all-those-years-without-it: hand sanitizer.
What could I probably do without? None of it.

What additional items SHOULD I have in there?
  • Kleenex (I suppose any brand of facial tissue would suffice but I prefer the Kleenex. I don’t know why; perhaps I am a sucker for name brand marketing.)
  • Duct tape (probably more handy than the thing I use to hang up my purse…and could be used to hang up my purse, as well as provide assistance in many other instances; plus it would make me more like MacGyver.)
  • Food
  • More than a dollar in cash
I don’t really know what any of this means other than perhaps this: my purse looks cute and if there’s ever something you need, I just may have it in my purse.

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